Dear brain,

What exactly is going on today? You blanked on the name of Arthur's sword Excalibur. I'm willing to believe you were just overwhelmed with data when the entire script of Monty Python and the Holy Grail collided with "O Fortuna" from Orff's Carmina BuranaThat doesn't explain how you pulled "Maxim Gorky" out of your ass on Final Jeopardy ( Read more... )

Imagine you have an older sister. She is in her early 40s, single, no kids. She earns a very good living and can pretty much buy what she wants or needs when she needs it (and since she earns more than you do, the things she might want that are out of her budget are also out of yours).

What would you get her for Christmas?

Dear Subconscious,

You can stop with the freaky-deaky dreams anytime. I won't mind in the slightest. The occasional night is okay, but five nights running is officially too much.

Yawnily,

Me

I have been craving Bottle Caps candy, but unable to find any. So I just ordered some from Amazon.com. Paired them up with another item and got free shipping.

Sure, I have to wait a week, but I've already been waiting a week.

That if you forget you have Shake-n-bake chicken nuggets in the oven, they will turn into crumb-coated chicken jerky.

I was planning to use them in a Caesar salad. Now they can be both the chicken and the croutons.

Dear Self,

When you set your cell to vibrate instead of ring, try to remember to switch it back before you go to bed. Otherwise the alarm clock function just vibrates instead of ringing, and you end up oversleeping by an hour and a half.

Dear self,

If you were smart enough to deliberately point the crease away from yourself for the first fold of the CD, why were you not smart enough to do it for the second fold three seconds later?

(Answer: because it had folded, not snapped, on the first bend, so I senselessly assumed it wouldn't snap on the second bend.)

I must confess to a guilty pleasure:

The Maury Povich show.

When I'm home on a weekday with nothing to do--usually because I'm ill, but sometimes it's a random day off and I decided not to do anything productive--I will watch too much television. And at some point in the day, there's nothing on but reality-talk shows or The People's Court and its ( Read more... )

Dear Self ( Read more... )

Skipped lunch yesterday. This resulted in me racing home after work and gobbling down a hasty bowl of pasta. The speed was because I had jewelry class last night. Alas, thanks to the carboloading, I suffered food coma and ended up not going. Then I went to bed at 10pm and slept for 9 hours ( Read more... )